Little Red Riding Marik
by Capt.Moonlite
Summary: Imagine if Marik and Bakura were in Little Red Riding Hood... Actually, NO NEED TO! Because I already have for you. This little romp has lots of bad language and guy-on-guy themes, so ye all be warned, okay? Thiefshipping.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello one and all. This is my first ever attempt at putting up a story so it's most likely going to be a wee bit crappy (apologies in advance).  
Um a few things:  
1) Since this is my first, please be kind and leave me some constructive criticism? Pls?**

**2) Yeah, this is two MALES in LOVE-LOVE (well... in their own way I guess), so if the metaphorical shoe doesn't fit you, please don't throw it back at me like some manic beast! I might just cry a little or something. Just calmly place it down and retreat to things you're more comfortable with.**

**3) It seems the magical swearing fairy has blessed this piece. So expect lots of naughty words, like Fuck and Bitch and Fluffy!**

**4) I don't actually own any of the characters or original Red Riding-hood story and I'm afraid I go by the LittleKuriboh personalities (They're just too much fun!)**

* * *

"Marik, for Ra's sake just take the fucking fruit and visit Odion!"

"Silence!" Marik looked up from his beanbag in front of the television, pushing strands of blond hair out of his eyes, "I, Marik Ishtar do not deliver _gifts_, especially not when Glee is about to start! I will mind slave you if you **EFF**ing well ask me one more frigging time!"

"Marik, you know that won't work. Anyway he's your _brother_ and is in hospital because _you_ wanted to practice motorbike stunts on him!"

"I DON'T **EFF**ING CARE! THEY'RE COVERING LADY GAGA!"

"I _will_ burn your yaoi collection if you do not take this basket right now and visit Odion."

"You can't do that, Ishizu!"

"I fucking well will."

Marik froze, knowing his sister she probably would. Tottering back and forth, Marik frantically tried to weigh up his options. _Which to sacrifice? Glee? Or Yaoi?_

"GAH! Friggin hell! I hate you!"

Ishizu raised an eyebrow, her mouth set in a firm line.

"Ten"

Marik glared back defiantly.

"Nine"

Ishizu placed the basket on the table, walked out of the room and down the hall into Marik's 'evil lair of ultimate evilness', which everyone except him called his bedroom.

"Eight"

"What are you doing?" Marik ran after her, only to see her pulling out his 'secret' stash of yaoi.

"Seven"

"NO! STOP IT!" Marik shrieked, pointing a tan finger at his psychic sister.

"Six"

"I, MARIK ISHTAR, _COMMAND _YOU TO PUT THE YAOI DOWN!"

"Five"

Marik hounded his sister as she marched back to the lounge room, where she proceeded to dump the gay porn next to the fireplace, once again raising her eyebrow meaningfully at her younger brother.

"Four"

Marik attempted to look calm.

"Three"

"It doesn't matter to me anyway!" He blurted, shrugging his shoulders, his fidgety stance instantly giving away the bluff.

"Two"

Ishizu lowered a book closer to the flames. A flame danced up, licking at the cover.

"One-"

A finger began to slip.

"OKAY! I'll go!"

Marik rushed his sister, grabbing his treasures and held them close to his chest.

"I'm not doing it because of your threats though. I just really like hospitals, so I'll visit Odion while I'm there!"

Marik stormed back to his room, gently replacing his precious cartoon porn collection back in its place beneath his bed, before returning to his sister and grabbing the basket from her hands with a pout.

"Frigging sister…"

As Marik left the house and jumped onto his obligatory anime motorcycle Ishizu called out to him.

"Watch out for wolves!"

"Frig up you friggin frig!" Marik stuck his tongue out in an extremely immature (or typically Marik) fashion, before pulling the red hood on the back of his midriff top up over his head, revving his engine and riding off down the driveway.

Ishizu stood at the front door, it was going to get dark before he got home and she realised that maybe it wasn't the best idea to send her narcissistic, idiotic, younger brother out into the world at this time of day. There'd been lots of reports about boys being assaulted by a 'wolf' recently. Then again… It _was_ Marik; they'd probably give up after five minutes of trying to reason with him. Shrugging she went back indoors, the theme song of Glee filled the reoccupied lounge room.

XXX

Marik was racing towards town at about three times the speed limit. Trees were beginning to crowd around the sides of the road as he entered the ring of woods that surrounded the small neighbourhood where he lived.

Just as he finished singing the third round of his '_Bad_' rendition a white blur moved out from between the trees and onto the road ahead of him, right in his path.

Braking quickly, because he didn't want to damage his bike, Marik pulled off his helmet.

"What the crap do you think you're **EFF**ing well doing getting in the path of I, the Great Marik Ishtar, _asshole_?"

Marik glowered at what appeared to be a person, a very pale person holding some sort of ring that was pointing in his direction. Marik looked at the stranger's hair. _Cat ears? What the crap is this? Some frigging fangirl's fantasy? _

"So your name's Marik?"

"Yes. What's it to you? Are you in awe of my beautiful tan? Or is it my washboard abs? Or my sexy leather clad toosh? You won't get any of this ass though! I'm as straight as a uh, a um…"

"A crazy straw?"

"That is what I was about to say before you interrupted me, fool! I am as straight as a crazy straw so don't bother trying- No! That's not right! Crazy straws aren't frigging straight!" Marik pointed an accusatory finger at the pale cat eared man, his large violet eyes narrowing. "You lied!"

"HAHAHAHAHA, _really_?"

"What do you want? I'm sick of your stupidness, so get out of my way you damn freaky kitty!"

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," The pale stranger wiped away a stray tear. "I've been tracking signals from my gaydar and this lead went off the scale, anyway I'm not a buggering _kitty_," A pallid hand reached up to one of the ears, "These are obviously wolf-"

"Wait, are you calling me gay?!" Marik's shrill yell caused the other man to wince, "I am not a friggin _homosexual_!"

"You bloody well are."

Marik huffed and crossed his arms as he shifted in the seat on his bike.

"I may be a very attractive man who looks very good in leather, likes eyeliner and midriff tops, and reads gay cartoon porn, but that does not make me gay! I like women, thank you very much!"

"And I have more screen time than Yugi fucking Moto,"

"What the crap is that supposed to mean?"

"It's called breaking the forth wall, Marik, it's a plot device used by writers who, in this case, can't think of anything remotely witty to say,"

"Oh… But that still doesn't make me gay!"

"You dress like a woman and look even more bloody effeminate than I do; you don't even need a gaydar to tell which team you're batting for. _You_ are about as manly as Snow fucking White,"

"Screw you!"

A dark smirk spread across the sharp pale face.

"Please, by all means _go ahead_,"

"GAH! I DID NOT JUST HEAR THAT!"

Marik covered his bright red ears, and his eyes for some inexplicable reason, as a blush spread across his horrified face.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA" The perpetrator nearly bent double from the expression on the idiot's face. "I like you Marik, how about you _come_ with me?"

"I refuse!" the innuendo flying clear over the innocent boy's head. "I am busy right now and have no time to play with kitties!"

"I've already told you I'm not a bloody kitty, I'm a fucking w-"

"Silence! I refuse to stay here any longer, if you don't move I'll **EFF**ing well run you over,"

"Where are you in such a hurry to, Marik?"

"That is none of your beeswax, jackass! Like I'd tell a frigging pervy kitty like you!"

The wolf's eye twitched. _If he says "kitty" one more time…_

Marik pulled his hood back up and reached for the key, stiffening when he felt warm breath against his ear and a firm body pressing up against his back. He hadn't noticed the stranger come up behind him at all.

"I'll _come _for you later, so be prepared. By the way, my name's _Bakura_, not buggering kitty,"

And with that the wolf was gone leaving a slightly perplexed, blushing Marik in his wake. For some unfathomable reason that sentence had made Marik's insides a little wobbly and his heart rate just maybe a few beats too fast, but he just couldn't figure out why. Dismissing it, Marik turned the key and the motorbike roared to life.

In the trees a pale hand grasped a golden ring.

_I can still trace you with my fucking gaydar, blondie. _

The smirking wolf began to hum as he swung his car keys in his hand and headed for his car. He hadn't had a mark so promising in years.

A feral grin stretched across Bakura's face.

_Get ready, bitch._


	2. Round 2

**Yeah? So what if I don't own anything other than the idea of putting Marik and Bakura in Little Red Riding Hood? I don't care! Much... Maybe just a little? Okay, I do, but I swear one day I will and there will be much smut.**

**Please remember reviews help prevent crappy fanfics! **

* * *

"I am here to visit Odion," Marik rested his fruit-basket against the reception counter as a blushing receptionist stumbled over the keyboard whilst she looked up where the patient's bed was located.

"What was his last name?"

"Ishtar!"

There was only the sound of tapping as the receptionist tried to concentrate on her job. Meanwhile, Marik appeared to be preening like a peacock, except he was actually acting out the moment he won an Oscar for 'Sexiest Man on Screen' in his head. Just as he got halfway through his acceptance speech a voice interrupted him.

"He's on the second floor in room E24, is there anything else I can help you with?"

Marik jolted to attention and glanced at her curiously, momentarily forgetting why he'd come here. _Oh right, friggin Odion._ If it wasn't for the fact that Ishizu would bitch at him, Marik decided, he would put Odion right back _in _hospital as soon as he'd recovered from his puny wounds. _Geez, all I did was run him over a bit. Ishizu didn't have to make _that _much of a fuss over it! He was fine enough to scream, so it can't have been _that_ bad!_

"Thank you, mind slave," The receptionist gave him a startled glance, she was used to weirdos but _hot_ weirdos were a whole different ball game. With a flourish that only a man as effeminate as Marik could achieve, he picked up his fruit-basket and pushed away from the counter, heading towards where the lifts were-

"Sir, the stairs and lifts are on the _other_ side of the foyer!"

-not located.

Turning, this time with a pout, Marik marched back across the foyer and jabbed the lift button menacingly. Whilst he waited for the up-arrow to light up Marik glared at the source of muffled chuckles, a wheelchair-ridden old lady who'd witnessed his mess up. _If it weren't for all the friggin restrictions on my millennium rod, you would be mind slaved, bitch!_

Finally the arrow lit up, the lift door gave a merry "_Ping!"_ and Marik scrambled in. Pressing the buttons with a bit more force than necessary, Marik leaned back against the wall and admired his tan in the reflective surface of the lift doors.

XXX

"I suppose you're Odion then."

Bakura checked the slip of paper in his hand. Finding out about Marik's little trip to see his brother had been almost boringly easy.

"Huh? Oh, yes I am. Who are you?"

"Me? I'm no one of importan-"

"What's with the cat ears? Are you one of those clowns who dress up and come around to-" A pale hand clamped over the bedridden man's mouth and the owner leaned down to hiss into the patient's ear.

"Say '_cat ears_' one more time and I will end you like Justin Bieber ended music; painfully. These are buggering wolf ears and _I _am a fucking wolf, comprendé?"

Odion shook his head quickly in affirmation.

"Good," The pale hand let go and Bakura stood back, crossing his arms and smiled down menacingly as he eyed off the heavily bandaged man. "Can you move at all?"

Odion silently shook his head, not liking the way that a certain pair of red eyes lit up.

"Well then Odion, how about we play a little game?"

XXX

Marik was getting very sick of this hospital visit. He'd only had to go to the second floor, but this place was a complete maze. _Oh friggin' yay, going past nurse __**EFF**__ing central again. That's right, stare all you like! Friggin' cows. _

There was some giggling and shoving behind Marik and as he turned around a pretty, young nurse fell on him. Straightening up, she patted herself down, glared over at her colleagues and glanced up shyly.

"Excuse me sir, but are you lost?"

"What- No! Do I look lost?" The nurse looked less sure of herself and Marik looked like a child who'd been caught stealing all the lollies from the lolly-bowl and was adamantly denying his crime as he tried to hide the incriminating evidence in his pockets.

"Uh, um well can I accompany you to your location then?"

Marik paused for a second. His pride was telling him to deny everything, but that one teeny tiny voice of common sense was begging him to just accept her offer so they could friggin well go home and read gay porn.

"…Fine,"

"Um, which room are you visiting?"

"E24."

"…"

"…"

"This is the fourth floor sir, you're after the second. Follow me,"

_Oh._

XXX

"_And_ here we are!"

The nurse pointed to the door with a flourish. She'd been excited to guide the gorgeous boy at first, but now she was glad to be rid of him. _You'd have to be Mother-fucking-Teresa to put up with him for long periods of time…_

"Excellent, fool! You are now dismissed,"

Marik waved the nurse away with his free hand before pushing the door open and stepping inside.

"Hello, Odion,"

Marik shut the door and dumped the basket of fruit on Odion's bedside table.

"Hello there, Marik,"

Flopping into the visitor's seat Marik looked over at his bandaged brother.

"Friggin hell you're pale, Odion. You look almost as pale as that limey bastard I ran into earlier!"

"Wh- I'm not _that_ pale!"

"HA-HA-HA you are! And your voice is all British, just like his too!"

Marik paused, his brain spinning over. _Wait a minute, then doesn't that mean…?_

"You don't have a brain injury do you?" Marik grabbed a bandaged arm, "Will you start speaking Italian and kiss everyone? Ishizu is going to **EFF**ing kill me!"

Marik flopped back down into his chair and moaned.

"…"

"Friggin hell…"

Marik peeked out from between the hands covering his face.

"… Was your hair _always _so fluffy, Odion?"

"Yes, Marik. All the better for sedu- I mean, yes. Yes it was,"

Marik got up and leaned over his brother.

"Are they _cat_ ears?"

A hand yanked the tan boy down and violet eyes opened wide with shock as they looked up from the hospital bed into narrowed red ones.

"These. Are. Fucking. Wolf. Ears. Got that, blondie?"

"_YOU!"_

"Yes. _ME!_"

Marik struggled to free his wrists from the vice like grip that pinned them above his head.

"What are you doing here, Kitty?"

"I swear I will not be responsible for my actions if you call me that one more time, Marik…"

"Is Fluffy okay then?"

"No- Oh fuck it, yes, Marik. Fluffy is fine. Now let me fuck you,"

"Ye- _NO!_ I'm not GAY!"

"Marik, get out of the fucking closet. Everyone except you seems to realise you like cock, so just get buggering _on_ with it."

"_SILENCE!_"

Bakura sighed; Marik was proving to be the hardest to crack so far. He'd had total heteros easier to get into bed than this blonde psycho.

"Hello Odion, I've just come in to- Oh!" A young nurse faltered at the door, the surprise at finding two strangers, with a BL heavy atmosphere, in her patient's bed threw her completely off her game.

"Oh, um where's Odion?"

"…"

Marik threw himself onto this bandwagon, hoping to steer this conversation as far away from his position on the bed as possible. Also, he wanted to distract Fluffy for as long as possible so he could make an escape.

"Yes, Fluffy, what _have _you done with Odion?"

Bakura released Marik's wrists and the Egyptian boy struggled into a sitting position on the bed, facing the limey bastard.

"Well…"

At that point in time there was a muffled clatter, coming from inside the bathroom.

The nurse jumped and looked at the door with trepidation. Slowly she reached out a hand and gingerly grasped the doorknob, her eyes making contact with the strange beautiful men on her patient's bed. Turning the knob she entered the bathroom, never turning her back to the duo.

"…"

"OH MY GOD!"

"Heh."

"Why did you just laugh, Fluffy? What's happened?"

There was a muffled clattering in the bathroom and Marik could hear someone mumbling. Seconds later the nurse re-entered the room, a dark expression on her face. Marik started trembling, his thoughts flashing over every incident involving him and angry women. He was _terrified_ of angry women.

"May I ask why _exactly_ my _patient_ is gaffer taped _naked_ to the TOILET?"

Marik fumbled a bit with his words, even though he had nothing to do with it, making himself look more or less extremely suss.

"I-It er, I had nothing to do with it! Everything was Fluffy's fault!" Marik pointed a trembling finger towards the leering bastard, then paused, turning to face the pale man, his eyes widening a little, "You _gaffer taped _him _naked _to the_ toilet_?"

"…It would appear to be time to take my leave," Bakura stood up, turned to Marik, leaned down level with his face and with a leer licked up tan boy's face jaw line to just under his earlobe, before blowing harshly into the now glowing red ear.

"WHA-?!" Marik jolted back clutching his ear with a horrified expression plastered all over his beet-red face.

"I'll be seeing _you_ later." Giving the boy a final flick to the now deep red, tan boy's nose Bakura straightened up, turned on his heel and strode out of the room, leaving a trail of shocked people behind him.

There was a thud from the bathroom, followed by a muffled voice calling out.

"Um, could someone please come help me?"

The nurse jolted back into action, rushing into the bathroom to assist the unfortunate man. Marik was frozen in pace, his heart thudding heavily in his chest just like that time he'd run a marathon. Grasping the shirt material over his heart Marik frowned. _The limey bastard's nearly given me a friggin' heart attack!_


End file.
